Simply Me

i found myself on nostalgic mood earlier today.i suddenly felt lonely,missing  friends i made over the last few months.i made a poem which reflects the mood i was in and hopefully they too would remember those days.

friends…

world apart thats where we are
miles,miles away in distance divide
night in your world day in mine
in heart and thoughts always re-unite

in those days of summer, a time of jubilee
we found each other amidst chaotic glee
back on those haydays of coffee and cocoa talks
what starts as note, now something to behold

friends i call you,though we never have met
never have hug you tight neither kiss your cheeks
the mere fact that you are there i s all what it takes
to take away the loneliness i now suddenly felt

i hope one day when we finally meet
the magical feeeling never stop. never cease
i know in my heart you can also feel
the tower of friendship we have come to built

by ENG

now, as the night approaches,i am on my reflective mood brought about by the weather..gloomy, windy and cold.i find myself a cozy place and let my thoughts be carried away by my mood.

the book…

through pages of life i have gone
volumes of memories,verses of pines
few chapters i’d say are better than some
those i finished, result of perseverance

lines in the sun,blissful, blessed ones
i play by day and dance on moonlight shine
i dreamt of dreams and sing my happy song
stardust in my hair and a rainbow in my soul

several episodes are blue as blue can be
yet those hours have made what i am me
i learned to kneel, to bow,to crawl,to ask and beg
life is tough but at the end its worth the bout

when i find myself on top of the world
i recalled the passage which explains it all
it keeps my feet anchored on solid ground
weathered by adversity,bowed in humility

again, in this life i chanced upon to tread
bespoke feelings of joy and sorrow poesy
stack of sheets in this book rather misunderstood
in my lips a smile and my eyes a knowing look..

by ENG

i got home late last night and as expected my little girl was already fast asleep . i watched the telly with lack of gusto,its the quickest way of easing myself to sleep,and waited for the hubby to wake up and get himself ready for work.

after a tedious regime of beauty what have you.i quietly creep into bed beside ysabelle (she sleeps with me when the hubby works nights). she must have felt my movement as she stirred and faced me. what happened next blown me away as i have never been blown away in my life. she whispered,“daddy, mahal kita.” i whispered back, “anak, this is mommy.” she replied,“mommy, mahal kita.”that, believe me opened floodgates of tears.i cried and hugged her tight and whispered softly in her ears “anak, mahal na mahal kita.”

the innocence and tenderness of the moment brought immense joy  and burden  of guilt. i am a working mother. the nature of my work requires unimaginable  working flexibility. there’s a long plethora of reasons but i will not make those an excuse rather i want to  ask for her forgiveness if mommy isn’t there some mornings when she wakes up and on some nights to tuck her up to bed. when mommy  needs to go to work on some weekends and school holidays. when mommy isn’t always there to play with her and take her to and from school.

i hope someday she will find it in her heart to forgive me for  my long list of shortcomings.

my heart is bursting with pride and love for this child. i thank GOD for her everyday. the hubby and i do the best we can so she knows and more importantly feels how well love she is.

last night, i am telling you, i live for moments like those…..

i read an article today about salary raise. it tells you how to bargain on getting a good if not an outrageous raise.

this reminds me of not that long ago when i was a junior theatre staff nurse.i worked in the company at the time for maybe a couple of years.i strongly felt then that my salary does not even come close comparably to the responsibilities and loads of works i’m putting myself up with.i decided to speak to the deputy theatre manager  to sort of test the reaction from management points of view.

i had been rehearsing for my stand on the issue for weeks and was prepared for the bargaining ahead. i told him that i need my salary reviewed as i have  been given more responsibilities and spreading myself thin.there were countless occasions wherein i went above and beyond the call of my duty to accomplished a task.instances where i bend backwards to accommodate the need of the department.there are companies that would pay me more for the kind of work i do and deliver. this  point, i was bluffing as i don’t have an inkling of how much i am worth neither did i make a research on how much other companies are paying for someone in the same position.i  told him that i will be speaking to the big boss as well,just want to let him know first.

right after that informal meeting, i found myself scourching the area to look for another job(in case my bluffing don’t work and backfired on me).i was lucky enough to booked myself an interview with another hospital.fortunately, i knew the theatre manager as we used to work together before.i was asked about my current salary and why do i think he should pay me more.i was not prepared for such question but, because i knew the guy i was at ease. i answered him after few seconds of contemplating,”you will pay me more than that because you know i can deliver,in fact you know i will deliver”.

few days has passed and i’m becoming edgy.i am willing to move on with my life if the company will not budge to my request.you bet, i was about to blame the bluff if things don’t work the way i plan .i was called in the office.the boss said that she has reviewed my salary and that i am due for a raise.halleluyia!!!but, there’s a string attach to it… like most things too good to be true….there’s always the catch. i was given the responsibility (yes, more responsibility) of spear heading a new service in the hospital, OPTHALMICS. and it doesn’t stop there (yes, there’s more coming )i was also given the team leadership in GENERAL SURGERY. fine i said….to much is given much is expected….after all, you can’t get free rides in life anyway.

when i finally received my salary raised the following month with a new position attached to it, i was dumbfounded with the result. well, well, well, so this is how much i am worth.i am one satisfied senior theatre nurse.

P.S. if you ever landed in the same situation as i was,please do your research.it will be your strongest card when you find yourself on the bargaining table.

i have been asked or more appropriately questioned by a friend why i do not give my daughter a birthday party.she is an only child , why not lavish her with party? my dear mother-in-law ,the last time we were home wanted to give her and a cousin a birthday bash to which i politely declined.i do not have to justify my decision to anyone.however, for once i shall satisfy everyone’s curiosity.

i have nothing against parties.i chooses the party i wish to attend to quite carefully.on few occasions, i do give a get together amongst intimate friends. in spite of my expectation or lack hereof, i still maintain the truth that it is a good means of being with bossom buddies…. to simply catch up, reminisce,talk about life (unavoidedly, and so is other people’s life which seems to be the juiciest part of most parties if not all).

i remember growing up and getting excited on putting on the best dress i have and of spending a day with my family over a scrumptious meal of pancit bihon or spaghetti, fried chicken(if its a good year) and loads and loads of ice cream as a birthday treat.we are only treated to such feast on special occasion and birthdays top the list.what more can a girl want? i guess, i don’t missed on something i never had in the first place, party! truth be told, i do not have any grudge nor rebel against my parents for not giving me birthday parties.in fact, i am grateful for the wisdom they  may not be aware they had imparted.

i want ysabelle,my only child, to be raised on the same tradition.afterall, it is her special day.the last thing i want is to spread myself thin on juggling chores like tidying the house to make it a bit cozy if not sleek. i do not want to spend a good half day of what is supposed to be ysa’s day slaving in the kitchen trying to concoct a palatable dishes if not gastronomic. most definitely, since i do not have people’s skill, i wish not to see myself chattering  around and  tending to everyone’s needs but my daughter’s. as the day closes to its end,i have now a humongous task of putting the house back to some sort of order and doing loads of dishwashing before retiring to bed by which time the little one must be snoring away, too tired to talk about her day with me. if  only i  stop for few moments and reflect on the day…when did i fit my time to spend with the celebrant? did i have the chance to have a tete-a-tete with her? did we play her favorite game?…..NO…with hundreds of little things that occupied my mind i lost track of the simple truth which is “her” day. one may argue, she had a wonderful time playing with other kids. yes, that she does.another one may say, but you spend everyday with her. yes,we most definitely do. but then again, it isn’t everyday you got to spend the entire day,from dawn till dusk,that we(the hubby and i) both lavish her with our  full and undevided attention amidst humdrum of everday living.we don’t have to think of  little things that occupies most of our time.we simply want the whole day spend with her.

i could be wrong but,someday she will be flying out of the nest and be celebrating her birthday her own way.to the very least, i got to spend her birthdays with her,as many birthdays i can wish for her. countless memories to be added on to the burging chest of mementos i keep.

by ENG

when the times of our lives passes us by,it leaves us with constant companion in our dusky years…memories. what a companion!!! it always has its insistent way of quietly marking the passage of precious times,of nudging us that in a body savaged by experience of life there lies within us a memento of how the world once was and in it a reminder of who we are,long ago….

i asked my daughter’s opinion of this poem.i read it to her(wishing i can convey the effect i wanted in her young mind). she said “ mommy, your title is sad”. and added quickly “and your reading is very lonely.”...i explained  that’s how its supposed to be.she exited the room and watch the telly. and me, i got what i wanted…a quick review from my youngest critic.